entirety
by naggingGargoyle
Summary: Rainbow Quartz, together and apart.


It's been a while since you've been you. You don't know why! You never do, not when you are. And yet, for some reason, some reason that must be important, it's been a while since you have. You look at your hands as you flex your fingers. You hadn't realized how much you've missed this until you got it back. You can't believe you've allowed yourself to be gone for so long.

But that doesn't matter anymore, not at all, not even a little bit, because now you are, now you _are_ , you're incredible and you're expansive and you're _everything_ , and you can't wait to tell Garnet.

You burst out into the temple, only managing not to trip all over yourself thanks to your inordinate gracefulness. "Garnet!" you call, and jump up and down a bit. "How do I look?"

Garnet folds up her newspaper and turns around. Her entire body perks up when she sees you. It really has been too long. "Gorgeous," she tells you with an enormous smile. "How are you feeling?"

You think about it for a moment. You look down at your body. You laugh giddily. You twirl. "Big," you answer.

"That's okay," Garnet says. "You _are_ big."

"Yes, that's right!" you burst out, excited to be big, excited to be you. "Come on, come on, let's go for a run!"

Garnet grumbles a little. You know she doesn't like running very much. But she likes you. She likes spending time with you, when you're together like this. She gets lonely sometimes, you think. Garnet's never alone, of course, but you usually are, and then she's the only one like this.

And right now, running alongside her in your big wonderful body, filled with yourself to the gills and feeling everything together, you have no idea why you would ever want to be apart. The wind is whistling a love song to you personally in your ears, the sand is sifting between your toes in a rush to congratulate your existence, your skin is tingling with containing you; you are so, so much.

You skid to a stop, landing on your ass in the sand, laughing as loud as you can in this perfect voice of yours. Garnet stops a few steps ahead of you, sitting down too, letting the ocean nibble at her feet.

"What," you try to ask her, and can't find a way to finish the question.

"Take a moment," she tells you calmly. "Figure it out together, first."

You close your eyes, breathe in the salt in the air. You are so beautiful, so happy, so gentle. You make yourself feel complete, you make yourself want to sing. You want to know: how does Garnet contain herself? How can she do anything else? How can she _be_ and function, at the same time?

"What – what is it like?" you blurt out. "All the time?"

She quirks her lips to the side, leans back on her hands, looks from you to the ocean. "Hm," she hums, and pauses again for a while. "It's wonderful," she says eventually. "And terrifying. Like always being awed with the very possibility of you, and always pushing yourself away from an edge."

You nod. You are already overwhelmed.

Garnet smiles at you. " _I_ think you'll be fine."

You laugh, or shout, just let out something out of yourself with a burst of air, and jump to your feet again and start running. Garnet doesn't follow you this time. She sits on the sand and looks at you until she's too small to make out. You'll make it up to her later. You have too much you want to do!

You run all the way up the cliff; you jump off it into the ocean, and run all the way up again. You're soaked and wild and not tired at all. How can you get tired? You'll never be tired of this.

You run and run and jump and crash and laugh, you breathe and you feel and you are. You sit down at the top of the cliff, legs dangling over the edge, and just look. The ocean is quiet and reflective, the air is warm and full of moisture, and the sun is setting. The world around you isn't very big, all things considered, isn't very impressive, but it has you in it.

And the sunset is beautiful. What is it, the rotation of an insignificant planet in the orbit of an insignificant star; it's practically nothing at all; you've seen so much grander, you've seen so much better – but it is, inexplicably, inexpressibly, beautiful.

"You see?" you say out loud to yourself. "Isn't everything beautiful? That's how I see things, all the time."

You see everything like this, because you are like this. You are breathtaking, fascinating; and you are fascinated, in turn. You know how to look. How to lose your breath looking.

You are so unbearably amazing. Too amazing, maybe. Not really good enough for you.

No. _No._ What _is_ that? Of course you're good enough. You're _everything_. You love yourself so much. But that's exactly why you can't –

No, no, no. This is silly. This is false. This is ruining everything. You are ruining –

You jump to your feet. You run your hand over your face. You touch your marvelous hair. You choke out one single sob.

You fall apart.

"I'm so sorry," Pearl rushes out, teetering on shaky legs for a moment before gracelessly plopping down to the ground. Her hands slump limp and useless in her lap.

Rose blinks dazedly, two fractured tears falling from her eyes. One lands on a crack in the ground, and Pearl watches numbly as the stone knits itself back together. They stay unmoving for an interminable moment, frozen with being themselves, with the jarring nonexistence, once more, of Rainbow Quartz.

Then Rose drops down to her knees in front of Pearl. Touches her waist, warm and light. Gently rests her forehead against hers. Takes an audible, hissing breath. And – laughs giddily. "Are you kidding?" she says, voice breathy and shaky with something uncontainable. "That was wonderful."

Pearl opens her mouth, makes a surprised, protesting sound. "But – but we didn't – I couldn't –" she stammers.

"We had fun," Rose says, with the finality of someone who had been both of them at the time, and could, in fact, say that for certain. "I'm happy," she continues. "I'm in love." She twists a little to press a smiling kiss to the side of Pearl's mouth. "So." She draws back to look at Pearl, grinning full force, and Pearl feels as if she just might light up like a bulb. "What are you sorry for?"

" _Oh_ ," is all Pearl can manage, fingers fidgeting. "You're happy?"

Rose's laugh is almost a cackle, delighted, just on the edge of disbelieving. "Yes!" she cries. "Yes. You oblivious sweetheart." Her fingers tighten around Pearl's waist, head tilting forward again. "You make me happy."

"Oh," Pearl repeats, helplessly leaning in, drawing closer. "A-all right." Rose's palms are hot and solid on her skin, her smile close and warm. Pearl kisses her lips, secure and intoxicated. Rose, miraculously, reliably, kisses back.

"Let's dance together again, then," Pearl offers shakily when she lets go.

Rose laughs again, and it is still, always, Pearl's favorite sound in the world. "Let's," she agrees happily. "We still owe Garnet, after all."


End file.
